RELATIONSHIPS: Wondering about women – a poll about dating reveals common turn-ons, turnoffs

Published: November 9, 2012

A poll of women revealed some valuable dating insight. Submitted photo

RAYMON GREWAL
VANCOUVER DESI

So are we ready with the beer, boys? Let us see what the girls have to say about relationships.

As I did with the guys in my last post, I interviewed women from several different backgrounds and continents – beautiful, intelligent, professional women who also had experience being in and observing relationships.

But first, rewind back a little, to the first date.

The first date carries intense anticipation for a woman. The curiosity of what will happen only enhances the excitement as we rummage through the closet for the perfect outfit, get the hair straightener out and get ready to electrify our eyes with the right amount of shadow. With all that effort, the last thing a woman wants is a horrible, bitter initial encounter.

So what are our first date expectations? This is what the ladies had to say.

The romantic dinner is overplayed for a first date, they told me. The first date needs to be fun, casual and relaxed.

Women want to get to know the man and see if there is a spark. Romance can come after that.

What to do

Chivalry is a big expectation for the first date. The opening of doors, “ladies first,” offering to pick up the costs; all are seen as the characteristics of a gentleman. Women do not always expect a guy to pay. However on the first date, women want the man to pick up the bill.

Women also pay attention to how a man is communicating with them as well as with others in the vicinity. Eg., Were they polite to the server?

The evening should end with a hug and perhaps a peck on the cheek – and no pushing for anything else.

All the ladies agreed that hygiene, height, respect and manners were big turn-ons. A high-quality cologne is an excellent stimulant. Appropriate wardrobe for the setting was important, too.

Since the scale of physical attractiveness varied for each woman, if a man could make a girl laugh, it was cliché but a classic turn-on. Confidence was right up there, too. If a man showed that he was secure and could politely challenge the girl during a dinner conversation, those were all good signs for the women, and showed the man could hold his own. If a woman is liking what she sees, she will smile and pursue eye contact to let him know she’s into him.

What not to do

Women did not find men who were cocky, arrogant, stubborn and had lack of hygiene attractive. If a man can easily “pick up” and knows the game, they still should never be rude. At any moment they should respect and value the time with the woman they are talking to. It’s not easy for anyone out there, so being rude is just a waste of both people’s time.

Further, the “thug ” theme belongs to the 1990s and is no longer appealing to ladies of the 21st century.

Women also said that they hated it when inappropriate slang was used. Excessive drug use and smoking were also big yucks.

Women felt that a big misconception men had about women was that we are all dramatic. Yes, women are emotional beings but at the end of the day they just care for the guy and are sometimes showing their protective instinct. It’s the motherly instinct in them to look out, some girls said.

They also think that most men perceive girls to be gold diggers. Of course, ladies want financial stability, but who doesn’t? They do understand that overcoming challenges together and working for a better future and the need for that support through the tough times were all men’s desires. They don’t disagree with that desire, as long as the man himself has ambition.

For women, lack of communication and dishonesty were big relationship issues.

Women did signal that a hint of protectiveness was cute, but when taken to the extrme of control, this actually shows a man’s weakness.

A few found being a momma’s boy always caused problems. Insecurities and jealousy were not good signs either.

When it comes to long distance relationships, different women had different opinions. Some said it should never be the start of a relationship. And most said it was way too high maintenance. There were a handful who said it didn’t need to be that tough, that you could value and enjoy each other’s company when you did happen to see each other, and then get back to your own busy routines. They added that long distance romance could be a good test to see if you’re in a strong, healthy relationship.

So cheers to both the boys and the girls for actually wanting a lot of the same things.I would like to thank everyone who particpated for their wonderful responses.

It seems we all discover our sparks at different times in our lives and when two people meet with the same head space and the right timing, butterflies will automatically flutter in your stomach.

Raymon Grewal, a.k.a. Ray Ray, is a student and writes for the Vancouver Desi.





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